You’re probably hoping that I move on past Charlotte Mason’s third principle, because I’ve already written TWO posts about it. But no, I’m not done yet 🙂 There was one idea from Charlotte Mason that kept turning over in my mind. It made me realize that our household rules need a makeover. Or in this case, a make-under. I’m learning that what we need are principles, not rules.

Happy is the household with few rules.” Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children

That idea is so convicting, not because I have a long list of rules hanging up in our house somewhere, but because I don’t even know what our rules are. I spent time thinking about them, and our household rules are really just a set of directions that are subject to change at any time. I tried to base them off of truth and not let them be arbitrary, but sometimes, in the heat of frustration, I just belt out some new rule. Something that wasn’t a rule yesterday could be added to the list today. This does not sound like the proactive parenting Charlotte Mason described!

What we really need are principles, not rules

A principle is an inspiring guideline that encourages someone to become intrinsically, (internally), motivated to do what’s right. A rule is an external boundary, that is established to make someone comply.

Principles, not Rules.––’God does not allow’ us to do thus and thus should be a rarely expressed but often present thought to parents who study the nature of the divine authority where it is most fully revealed, that is, in the Gospels. They see there that authority works by principles and not by rules, and as they themselves are the deputy authorities set over every household, it becomes them to consider the divine method of government. They should discern the signs of the times too; the tendency is to think that a man can only act according to his ‘lights,’ and, therefore, that it is right for him to do that which is right in his own eyes; in other words, that every man is his own final authority in questions of right and wrong. It is extremely important that parents should keep in view, and counteract if need be, this tendency of the day. School Education, page 127

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking very hard about the principles that should guide our home. I wanted to set up principles that are based in Biblical truth, and apply to multiple areas. After much consideration, these are the “rules” that will be the cornerstone of our home. Instead of barking orders, I wanted the principles to be in question form. That way, instead of saying, “Don’t do that!” I can say, “Is that kind?” As Charlotte Mason suggested, I want to have divine authority on my mind without necessarily saying, “God does not allow” all the time.

A note about habit training

Habit training takes away much of the need for a million little rules. If we can help our children form positive habits, then the boundaries become inherent instead of something that we have to nag our children about daily.

Our Family Principles

 

Is It God-Honoring?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

This principle encompasses obedience towards God and reverence to him. It’s true that if my entire household was God-honoring all the time, there would be no need for other rules.  But for our household, I intend it to mean:

• Are you following the 10 commandments and God’s plan for our lives?
• Are you showing reverence to God?
• Is this action soli deo gloria? 

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

No taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Don’t interrupt when someone else is praying.

Children obey your parents.

Taking a day of rest. 

Put in your best effort.

Tell the truth. 

Is it Kind?

Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31

Multiple times a day, I say something like “Don’t pick up your brother!” or “That’s not nice!” Nothing about those desperate pleas for compliance subtly point towards truth or God’s authority. This principle affects how we treat our friends, family members, and neighbors.

• Are you thinking about others?
• Would you like to have someone do this to you?

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

Don’t hurt people with your body or words.

Share your toys.

Help others when they need it.

 

Is it Respectful?

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace…” 1 Peter 4:10

• Is that respectful to someone’s property?
• Are you respecting your own and someone else’s need for safety?
• Are your words respectful?

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

No climbing on the furniture/writing on the walls/throwing things.

Practice first time obedience. 

Use table manners that are courteous to others.

Clean up after yourself. 

Don’t put others in danger.

Final Thoughts

I am going to write these in a planner this year so I can see them, and possibly make a pretty version to put on the fridge. I am so thankful for this reminder, so I can set up principles, not rules during the early years.