My Little Robins

Loving and Learning in the Nest

Empathy or Indifference When Our Children Get Hurt?

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I've recently realized the importance of showing empathy as a parent. This has made all the difference in the behavior of at least one of my children, and has helped establish a closer relationship with all three. But I can't help but feel like this empathy sometimes crosses the border from relationship-building  to gushing and coddling. As a homeschooling parent, it always amazes me, too, to think of how matter-of-fact Charlotte Mason expected parents to be in their parenting. So which is the better approach? Empathy or stoicism? I am not a psychologist or counselor by any means, but I am a mom trying to figure out this parenting gig. 

The Super Empathetic Parent

These parents are concerned with their child’s physical comfort and want them to feel loved. So they offer as much sympathy as they can when their child is injured or upset. They often scoop up their children the second they fall, to let them know that they are there to support them. They work to solve their children's problems because they understand just how difficult those problems are. 

The Problem

This approach can sometimes get young children looking for problems. They know they'll get their parents' undivided attention and empathy if they are upset or hurt, so being upset and hurt becomes a normal operation for them. I have witnessed this both as a parent and a teacher. Sometimes children create mountains out of molehills because they crave the connection that these troubles bring. They develop a habit of bonding over negative things, a pattern that is not the trademark of happy, emotionally healthy adults. 

Related: Habits for the Early Years

The Indifferent Parent

I've known several parents who don't react at all when their children are upset or hurt. I admit that I often give pause to decide whether or not a situation requires a response. With one of my children, not reacting emotionally when they do is key. 

Charlotte Mason suggested that mothers and caretakers not react when a child gets hurt. This teaches them to change their thoughts, and not dwell on something painful or unfortunate. The ability to change thoughts demands will-power, something many adults never developed. 

A baby falls, gets a bad bump, and cries piteously. The experienced nurse does not “kiss the place to make it well,” or show any pity for the child’s trouble- that would make matters worse; the more she pities, the more the child sobs. She hastens to ‘change his thoughts’, so she says; she carries him to the window to see the horses, gives him his pet picture-book, his dearest toy, and the child pulls himself up in the middle of a sob, though he is really badly hurt. Charlotte Mason, Home Education

 Charlotte Mason's philosophy is not harsh, but is concerned with the whole child.  A stoic reaction was highly valued in the Victorian age of emotional stuffing.  As outdated as it may seem, there are skills that can be developed through it. 

Related: The Complete Charlotte Mason Preschool Guide

The Problem

The indifferent parent doesn’t model empathy skills for their children, a skill that is increasingly important in our time.  I have specifically witnessed a lack of empathy backfiring on me. In an experimental stage of stoicism, Miss H started telling me, "You're fine!"  I heard this as I accidentally cut my finger with a paring knife, or had a major problem with a delivery.  This lack of empathy was obviously not a desired trait, but it took my child to illustrate that for me.  

Like so many things in our world, this doesn't have to be black and white. We don't have to err on the side of one or the other- we can show both empathy and emotional control when they are needed. 

Related: Why My Kids Are Out of Control

The Balanced Parent

The balanced parent waits to see what their child needs before reacting. When I notice that an injury looks bad, I respond with  empathetically. I don’t dote and coddle, I simply say, “That looks like it hurt. Let me see." When emotions are high, I try to decide if there's something else going on that needs to be addressed before diving in to full-out problem-solving mode. Maybe my child's world is seemingly ending because he or she is hungry? Maybe the spat with friends has to do with communication skills that I can help them develop? 

When it comes to physical injuries, sometimes just saying that I saw an incident eases fear.  They know that Mommy saw it, and isn't reacting dramatically, so they must be okay, too. 

I understand Charlotte Mason’s perspective on this, and if we look into historical context of an age that valued self-control and a lack of emotional show almost over all, it makes even more sense. It is important to demonstrate the way of the will for children.  They need to learn to change their thoughts, and not be trapped by the negative thoughts that burgeon in their minds. However, Charlotte Mason also mentions how important modeling is. If I constantly model indifference to things that truly pain and affect my children,  how will they learn to be kind and caring friends?

The Bottom Line

The bottom line here is that we know our kids. We know when they’re actually hurt, or searching for our love and comfort. Sometimes they need our hugs and sympathy, and sometimes what they need most is the assurance that they can handle what comes their way. 


Christmas Bells by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: Charlotte Mason Lesson

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Sample Charlotte Mason lesson using Christmas Bells poem from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
Sample Charlotte Mason lesson using Christmas Bells poem from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

I wanted to wrap up my week talking about teaching a Charlotte Mason lesson with an example. This is a lesson that is great for this time of year, especially if you are studying Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, or poets from the Victorian era. Make sure to read my other two posts from this week (How to Plan and Effective Charlotte Mason Lesson, and How to Teach a Charlotte Mason Lesson.)

Vocabulary

Belfries– Bell towers, usually a part of a church

Christendom– Worldwide community of Christians

Accursed– Under a curse

Forlorn– Sad and abandoned

Pealed- To ring loudly

 

Some Possible Background Information

Poet Information

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote this during the Civil War. His wife had recently passed away in a tragic fire. His son had joined the war without his blessing, and was seriously injured. Longfellow sat down and penned this poem on a sad Christmas Day.  You can read more about this on Wikipedia. 

If you share the information about the events behind this poem, you might want to share a map similar to this one that shows where the battles of the Civil War were fought. This would illustrate the scope of the terrible war that swept America, and also integrate geography. 

 

Poetic Elements

This website explains some of the poetic elements in this poem. If this is something you’re hoping to teach your child in this lesson, make sure to mention them!

Reading the Poem

Poetry is meant to be read aloud.  I usually read the whole poem once, and then the students read it stanza by stanza. I chose to stop to tell back and talk about each stanza before moving on, but older students could probably read the whole poem before stopping. (I like these tips for reading poetry outloud.) 

Christmas Bells

I heard the bells on Christmas Day

Their old, familiar carols play,

and wild and sweet

The words repeat

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,

The belfries of all Christendom

Had rolled along

The unbroken song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,

The world revolved from night to day,

A voice, a chime,

A chant sublime

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth

The cannon thundered in the South,

And with the sound

The carols drowned

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent

The hearth-stones of a continent,

And made forlorn

The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;

“There is no peace on earth,” I said;

“For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As you discuss each stanza, make sure to practice masterly inactivity! The goal here is to allow the students to think about it and develop the meaning on their own, without being told outright. 


Draw out ideas

Hopefully, your child(ren) will discuss the idea that we have hope in the Lord even when the world seems dismal. If not, you can guide them to the lines in the poem that state this. I draw out ideas by saying something like, “What do you think about this line? The Wrong shall fail, the Right prevail, with peace on earth, good-will to men.”

Other possible questions:

What is the irony of the “wild and sweet” songs of the bells?

Which words in this poem represent the tone of hopelessness? Which words represent hope?

How do you think the poet received the message of hope at the end? (This could lead to many different discussions, ranging from the sound of the bells, to the Holy Spirit!)

Respond

You can use the discussion that you have about the ideas as the response. Younger children might respond by drawing a picture, and older children by writing a narration. The lesson should be kept short for younger children, so break it into two if you need to!

In addition…

I love how Casting Crowns made this poem into a song (I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.) I think it is so relevant for our world today, and it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. This might be something to play in your home after the lesson and let your children make the connection to the poem.

You can read the read the rest of this lesson planning series here:

How to Plan an Effective Charlotte Mason Lesson

How to Teach a Charlotte Mason Lesson

How to Plan an Effective Charlotte Mason Lesson

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A homeschool mom mentioned recently that she has a hard time imagining  what the Charlotte Mason philosophy would actually look like in their home. This comment made me realize that while there is so much great information out there about the philosophy, there isn't much that describes what a lesson entails.

Some of us have a hard time with abstractions- ideas, masterly inactivity...oh my!  What does the method actually look like in action, and what does lesson planning require of us? In this post, I'm sharing a super-simple Charlotte Mason planning method that originally came from the amazing Bill St. Cyr of Ambleside Schools. 

I wrote a detailed post on Charlotte Mason's Method of A Lesson here. If you aren't sure how to teach a Charlotte Mason lesson, you might want to read that post first. There is also a great Thinking Love podcast episode on this topic! 

Planning A Charlotte Mason Lesson

1. Choose Living Books

When you sit down to plan a Charlotte Mason lesson, you've probably already chosen a book for it. Maybe this book was a recommendation from a beloved curriculum, or maybe it was a personal favorite from your childhood. It's your choice! In order to use this planning approach, though, the lesson will need to be based on a living book. This excludes areas like math, recitation, etc. 

Related: A Charlotte Mason Curriculum from Home Education

2. Read the book ahead of time.

Pre-reading is kind of a controversial subject these days. Many people just don't want to pre-read! I'll admit that sometimes I don't, depending on the book, how the week has been, etc. But I do know that our lessons go better when I pre-read. This is because my mind is better-engaged if I already know what the pages hold. Instead of processing the book when I'm reading it with my child, my mind has worked it out ahead of time, and I can focus on how my child is processing it. 

3. Take Notes

As you pre-read, keep a thing of sticky notes by you. Write down vocabulary words that your child might get stuck on, ideas that are interesting, or background information that your child might need to know before reading. These things help make even difficult books manageable to children. I make a sticky-note for every page that I read, or for every set of pages that I hope to read in a lesson (see the next point!) 

4. Decide how many pages to read in a lesson 

After you've read a bit of the book, decide how many pages would make an appropriate length for a lesson. With my young child, I've learned that about 3 pages is enough. Sometimes we read more. It's possible that you might pre-read a whole chapter in a sitting, so you could very well plan four or five lessons while reading, depending on the length of the chapter and the number of pages you'll read with your child. 

5. Write it down...or don't!

Once you have your sticky notes filled with great talking points, leave them in your books! I love this because I sometimes forget that I had planned out a book with sticky notes, until I open it to find I was more prepared than I thought! Maybe you'd like to transfer your notes into a planner. You are a very organized person. But, if you're like me, you probably will want to write down the page numbers that you'll read for each lesson, and trust that the sticky notes will be there when you need them. No shame! 

I have dabbled with planning sheets made just for sticky notes, but I don't love them. Transferring the notes seems to make them less likely to stay there.

In my public school days, I developed an obsession with Post-its, and this planning method fulfills my need for having those bright, colorful squares everywhere! I prefer the larger, lined 4 X 4 squares, but have used lined rectangles that are even bigger, as well as the little unlined rectangular notes. It's it weird that I have such strong opinions about Post-its? 




100 Benefits of a Charlotte Mason Education

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The Charlotte Mason philosophy is so rich in ideas and suggestions that if you're hoping to learn about it, you might not know where to start.  I put this list of 100 benefits together to show you why I think this philosophy is so good, right, and true for children and their families. I've included links to help you learn more about the different areas. 

Philosophy

  • The idea that the Holy Spirit is the ultimate teacher takes pressure off of moms and educators! My podcast co-hostess and I talked about this here.
  • Charlotte Mason's first principle,  "Children are born persons" will shape how you view and interact with your children. See a great article that explains what this idea does and doesn't mean from Amy at Around The Thicket called, "Understanding Your Child as a Whole Person."
  • Since children are respected as they are, this philosophy is a good approach for children with different abilities. See the article Myth: CM Doesn't Work for Those With Learning Disabilities on Afterthoughts Blog.
  • The view that all authority comes from God frees parents from making lots of arbitrary rules. Listen to our podcast episode about authority. 
  • Children are motivated to learn through living books and inspirational ideas, not external motivations. This will help create lifelong learners!
  • Parents begin to understand that all areas of a child's well-being affect their education.
  • Children understand the difference between "I want" and "I ought". You can get a free eBook explaining the Charlotte Mason motto (I am, I can, I ought, I will) from Lady Dusk.


Habits

  • Working on positive habits helps make days go more smoothly. There's a great resource with printables and Charlotte Mason quotes at Wonder and Wildness.
  • You'll learn to view misbehavior as poor habits rather than defiance.
  • Habit training takes tension out of the home because there is a tangible action to help solve problems. I wrote about how habit training works in this post.
  • Cultivating the habit of attention solves many of the typical problems that children have in school. 
  • Working on the habit of attention from infancy allows this to be well-established before formal lessons begin.
  • Encouraging perfect execution in handwriting and other areas teaches children to always put forth their best effort.
  • Habit formation is guided by Biblical truths and inspirational ideas, giving children a worthy reason to work on improving character. 
  • Encouraging plenty of exercise and healthy eating, as Charlotte Mason recommended, helps children grow to be healthy.
  • You don't have to "wait out" bad  behaviors because a child is too young. Instead, you can address them immediately through habit training.Check out my early years habit training book/ journal here. 
  • The habit of obedience is viewed as a child's duty, rather than something that is optional.
  • You won't have to get into battles of explaining the reasons behind your directions, because you have the authority and the duty to uphold what is right, regardless of your child's opinion. 

Thinking Love's self-paced habit training course is available here! 

Living Books

  • Children love reading living books that encourage them to use their imaginations. 
  • You can read books that don’t drive you crazy (find them through the Charlotte Mason Bookfinder)
  • Your homeschool library is stocked with classics that can be read again, and not pop-culture books that will be forgotten in a few years. 
  • Living books allow children to experience foreign places and times in history. We have an amazing podcast episode with Erika Alicea where we discussed multi-cultural history.
  • Children are not sheltered from every unpleasant idea, which teaches them how to handle various topics maturely. I wrote about how I handle unhappy endings in this post. 
  • These books offer great opportunities for children to learn phonics and spelling. Read Cindy's article about this at Our Journey Westward.

Relationships

  • Children connect with what they learn about, forming a relationship between themselves and the subject. I began to understand this when I finally started appreciating nature as a new Charlotte Mason teacher. I wrote about that here.
  • Parents come to realize that maintaining a positive relationship with their child is critical to their student's learning.
  • Parents learn how to not let poor habits become a source of friction between themselves and their children.
  • Family meal times, where manners and morals are taught, bring everyone together.

Atmosphere

  • Parents learn how to maintain a peaceful home atmosphere that is conducive to learning. The great news is that it isn't an extra thing on the to-do list; the home atmosphere comes from who we are. My article Moms, We Are the Home Atmosphere explains it. 
  • Creating a healthy, positive atmosphere lets children pick up good habits from infancy.
  • Children learn from interacting with their real life environment, and they don't need child-specific decor.
  • You'll be inspired to create a bright, airy, and clean house to support vitality.

Masterly Inactivity

  • Children make connections to different ideas and texts on their own, allowing the parent/teacher to take a step back. Listen to our podcast episode on Masterly Inactivity.
  • When presented with "why" questions, children are encouraged to think about the answers first.

Planning

  • You don't have to plan unit studies.
  • Planning doesn’t involve finding cutesy ideas on Pinterest. You can skip the cutesy activities, as I wrote about here!
  • Planning consists mostly of reading living texts and identifying inspirational ideas.
  • You can find free curricula through Ambleside Online and Simply Charlotte Mason. 
  • You let your preschooler be little, without making them start school work at an early age. I wrote a complete Charlotte Mason preschool guide here.
  • Short lessons mean that you don't need to fill time with busywork. Here's another great explanation from Afterthoughtsblog.com.
  • Types of lessons vary to allow the brain to rest.

Early Learning

  • Young children aren’t pushed into academics too early (Simply Charlotte Mason, Thoughts on Early Education).
  • You can wait to start formal lessons until children are 6. I explained our choice to delay reading instruction in this post.
  • You can enjoy watching little ones play.
  • Almost every experience your young child has can be considered learning.
  • Learning to use their senses prepares students for future learning.

Telling Back (Narration)

  • Telling back teaches allows children to develop a deep understanding of texts. Sheila at A Charlotte Mason Home explains this well.
  • They develop communication skills through telling back.
  • Children learn to visualize to help with memory and understanding.

Nature Study

  • Spending  lots of time outside! This year we did the 1000 Hours Outside Challenge.
  • Dining al fresco is encouraged.
  • Parents and children learn about specific plants, trees, insects, and animals.
  • Nature walks become a daily activity that the whole family enjoys.
  • Nature journals allow you to keep a beautiful account of your child's learning and growth.
  • Studying birds through the work of Audubon becomes a delight for the whole family.
  • Children will get plenty of vitamin D while playing outside!

Composer Study and Music

  • Children learn about different composers and their work.
  • Parents and children can listen to and enjoy classical music together.
  • With practice,  children learn how to identify musical elements.
  • Studying hymns puts scriptures and inspirational ideas easily in a child's memory. Read more about this at CharlotteMasonInCommunity.com.
  • Children feel relaxed while listening to beautiful classical pieces.

Artist Study

  • Children gain observation skills by studying famous works of art. Here's an article about artist study, (or picture study) from Afterthoughts Blog.
  • Trips to the museum are more enjoyable when the family has a knowledge of art terms, periods, and artists.
  • Learning about a specific artist gives children a deeper understanding of their works. Dollie from Joy In the Home wrote about artists children should know.
  • Children develop a vocabulary of art, which helps them communicate about beautiful pieces.
  • Studying beautiful art helps children develop a sense of taste.
  • School rooms should be decorated in beautiful art, rather than cartoon characters and neon posters, allowing the whole family to experience beautiful art.

Math

  • Children are encouraged to understand the "why" of math functions. My friend Amy wrote this amazing thorough post on Charlotte Mason Math. 
  • Ideas behind mathematical principals are presented before dry facts.
  • Math lessons using manipulatives and other hands-on techniques are really enjoyable!

Grammar, Spelling, and Handwriting

  • Children are taught to use grammar and spelling correctly, rather than to rely on Spellcheck.
  • Teaching children how to visualize correct spelling means they will spell accurately for the long term.
  • You'll learn to be so watchful that your child will not see the incorrect spelling, grammar, or letter reversals. 

History

  • Children are encouraged to act out events in history through play.
  • Keeping a book of centuries becomes a beautiful timeline that children can cherish. Here's a free Book of Centuries resource from Simply Charlotte Mason.
  • Young children love reading primary sources of historical events.
  • Children enjoy making illustrations of events in history.
  • Children's drawings and paintings in history (and other subjects) grow more beautiful with time and practice.

Poetry

  • Teaching poetry is simple and enjoyable. Read about Jimmie Quick's approach here. Or listen to our podcast interview with Leah Boden.
  • When children start learning poetry early (at the age of 6, when formal lessons begin), it is less intimidating to them in the future.
  • Knowing a wide range of poetry helps students understand allusions in literature.

Recitation

  • Children are encouraged to memorize Bible verses and beautiful passages from texts. I wrote about how Charlotte Mason describes recitation  here.
  • Your child will have beautiful scriptures and worthy ideas in their hearts for years to come.
  • Recitation improves communication skills.

Ideas

  • Seeing children grab onto an inspirational idea is so rewarding!
  • Educators can let the idea take seed in the child, without repeating themselves over and over again. Repetition can cause children to develop poor habits (see my article on this).
  • Introducing beautiful and noble ideas trains children to direct their thoughts to "whatever is lovely." (Philippians 4:8)

Shakespeare

  • Studying Shakespeare gives students a good understanding of the English language, since he coined many words and phrases that we still use. CharlotteMasonHelp.com described Shakespeare's influence on language, as well as other benefits of studying his work.
  • Shakespeare's works offer insight into human relationships and emotions.
  • Themes revolving around morals allow for good discussions between parents and children.
  • Children especially enjoy Shakespeare's comedies, such as Twelfth Knight.

Science

  • Students view science as understanding God's laws.
  • Hands-on experiments are encouraged so students have a full understanding of scientific concepts.

Language

  • Parents are encouraged to teach their children a foreign language. There is an explanation of this at Simply Charlotte Mason.
  • Children learn a second language when they are very young, which is the easiest time to learn

Copywork, Transcription, and Dictation

  • Children enjoy writing beautiful phrases from texts.
  • Copying good writing teaches children how to use proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar. You can find a description of these areas at Simply Charlotte Mason.

Handicrafts

  • Children learn skills like knitting, cross-stitch, and others that produce beautiful results
  • You can skip frilly crafts that don't serve a purpose. (But we love crafts at our house! See Jimmie Lanley's view on Charlotte Mason's no-frills craft approach here.)
  • Creating handicrafts allows children to practice giving their best effort (if the parent doesn't allow slipshod work).

I sure hope this post has given you something to think about! If you are new to Charlotte Mason's philosophy, I would love to help you navigate the waters! You can sign up below for a free study guide of her 20 principles. 


12 Beautiful Books About Snow for Preschoolers

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As a resident of Colorado, snow is part of our culture and economy. The first year I lived here, we had almost a foot of snow towards the end of October. Halloween was cancelled and rescheduled for a day in November. My school district was out for two days, but later the same week, it was  70 again and the snow melted like it had never happened. Colorado weather has never been predictable!  

I love sharing books about winter and snow with my little ones. They make sweet connections between what we're reading and our real-life experiences, although it is really hard to make the connection between winter and snow when it sometimes snows in October or May here! Today I'm sharing some of my favorite books with you that are set in the winter or on a snowy day. 

I've added all these books to my Amazon Affiliate Store. You can read more about affiliate links in my policies. Skip right to the book list on Amazon, or read about our favorites below. 

Related: The Complete Charlotte Mason Preschool Guide

Updated 12/20

Winter Books
The Snowy Day- We went through a phase one winter where we read this book every single day! It is Ezra Jack Keats' iconic story about a little boy playing in the snow in a big city. Keats was the forerunner for portraying diverse families in children's literature.  Miss H gets really concerned when Peter's snowball melts, which led to some good discussions about the properties of snow. 


Snowflake Bentley- When I taught at a public school, I read this book to my students. It tells the story of a man who spent much of his life observing and photographing snowflakes. I love books like this that inspire curiosity about nature! I also found this website that has information about the real Snowflake Bentley, which would be a great follow-up to the book. 

On a Wintry Morning- This is a sweet rhyming book that describes a dad and his daughter going out for a carriage ride in the snow. It is set in the early 1900's (that's my best guess!) and I love the scenes it describes. Miss H wants to asks to read this one over and over again.

The Mitten- Oh, this book brings such sweet memories to mind! I remember reading this as a little girl and being awed by all of the animals sharing such a tiny mitten! I love sharing this book with my children now, and we own multiple copies and editions. The Mitten is based off of a Ukranian folk tale, and while you can find it retold by many different authors, no one can beat Jan Brett's illustrations! 

The Hat- Along the same lines, The Hat is another gorgeously illustrated Jan Brett book that we really enjoy! 

Katy and the Big Snow- This is a great choice for little ones who love trucks! I like that this story goes into detail about what it takes to clear the roads in the winter. That isn't something that we discuss much or read about often in our house! This book has a great storyline, per Virginia Lee Burton's style. 

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