My Little Robins

Loving and Learning in the Nest

Remember the Spartans

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For those of us who view history as an already-learned lesson that we can benefit from as well, it is important that we remember the Spartans. 

I learned about the Spartans for the first time as a teacher. Somehow my schooling before then hadn't touched upon this refined culture and their strict practices. 


Under the rule of Lycurgus, the Spartans became a prosperous, war-oriented people. Each child was raised for the service of the country. Babies who were born with any differences were destroyed, and not long after infancy did they begin learning patriotic songs and ideals. They remained with their parents until they were seven, then taken away. 

Related: Why My Kids Are Out of Control

Young boys were placed under the care of a male warrior, who would teach him how to be a brave fighter, steal (yes, steal food in case they were every in a war-time situation that required it) and live a disciplined life. Seven-year-old girls were placed under the care of a respected woman where she learned household skills and how to navigate life with courage. 

I was a new mom when I first read these words, and it made my stomach turn to think of someone taking away my child, pulling my duty to raise her out from under me. 

And so, as a panel prepares to meet at Harvard next summer to talk about possible homeschool reform, those of us who are paying attention remember the Spartans. A one-sided group will meet and discuss problems with homechooling, like the very rare possibility that homeschooling is used to cover up child abuse. 

When people mistrust if we, the parents, are capable to raise children and educate them, it feels very much like the rule of Lycurgus. We hear about "child rights" and although our children's health and well-being are of the utmost importance to us, we think of Dr. Leonard Sax's words in the book The Collapse of Parenting: "...the authority of parents, and, even more significantly, the importance of parents, in the lives of their children has declined substantially."

We are paying attention when laws are passed that prevent children from seeing Christian counselors, or parents from approving medical procedures. When a politician says that he will provide universal pre-kindergarten for all three and four-year-olds, we feel little warriors being taken away. When we hear the plan to send "professionals" into our home to help us raise our children, we wonder what the world would have our children brought up to? 

Related: The Complete Charlotte Mason Preschool Guide

I am not a very political person, and I don't wish to engage in a political conversation, but my eyes are wide open. And with a thumb in a history book, I pray that we don't repeat what has happened before. I don't want to have the right to raise my children to know Jesus taken away. But with too much government intervention, it will be. 

The Collapse of Parenting (affiliate link) You can read more about affiliate links in my policies.







Balancing Working From Home and Homeschooling

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One of the questions I've gotten amidst this current pandemic and subsequent school closures is, "How do I balance my children's education and working from home?" It's hard to carve out uninterrupted time, but with a little practice, it's possible. One thing to remember is that most homeschoolers literally prepare for months or years. It will take awhile for a new schedule to go smoothly. 

I know that I work fewer hours than many of you do (max four hours a day) but I do manage to find regular time for writing and making homeschool resources. So, take a deep breath and know that it is possible, even if your children are young, like mine! 


1. Create a routine

This is, I think, the most important thing that you can do. It helps young children for multiple reasons, one being that they feel more secure in insecure times. It also aids in forming good habits. 

It's important to note that a routine is not the same as a schedule. It's simply a "what comes next" mindset instead of a "we're late!" mindset. If you aren't sure how to develop a routine, make sure to read this post. 

2. But not a school routine

You don't have to replicate a school schedule. Do what works for you. Personally, I've found that having school finished in the morning frees up our afternoons for what we want to do, including what I need to do. You will probably find that you can do at home what a school can do in less than half the time, because you have about 95% fewer students 🙂 

3. Find one-hour blocks of time to work

I've found that shorter blocks of time work better than trying to do four hour blocks at the same time. Kids will inevitably need you when you're away for larger blocks of time, and your absence will make them feel ignored and cling to you tighter. Here are my one-hour blocks: 

  1. Before my kids wake up in the morning. (6:00-7:00)
  2. During my toddler's nap time (my older two play quietly outside, or watch a one-hour tv show while he naps and I work). (2:00-3:00) 
  3. After my kids go to bed (8:30-9:30)

If I needed to find more time to work, I'd include a quiet reading time after lunch. 

4. Teach kids how to play on their own

Independent play is so good for young children, but if they aren't used to it, it will take a little practice. Schedule in 15 minutes of independent play time. Increase this every few days or so, until you can schedule an hour of independent play. This is a great time for you to work. 

Related: The Idea Nest Preschool Resource

5. Spend focused one-on-one time with each child

This one gets more challenging the more children you have, but it is so helpful in our homeschool and for working at home. By giving each child 10 or 15 minutes of individual attention each morning, they tend to need me less the rest of the day. 

A Sample Work-at-Home Mom Homeschooling Routine

6:00 Mom works. 

7:00 Kids wake up and eat breakfast. Read books and do morning basket time during breakfast. 

8:00 Clean up breakfast, go upstairs, and clean rooms. Get dressed while mom takes a shower. (Getting dressed is a great way to start your days off with a little structure!) 

8:30 Start homeschool lessons

11:30 Finish homeschool lessons

11:30 Lunch

12:00 Play in backyard or inside. Mom spends time with each child.  

2:00 Nap time. Nappers rest, and older children read books, play independently (inside or out!), or watch TV when desperate times call for desperate measures 🙂 Mom works. 

3:00 Read aloud time. Mom reads to kids. 

4:00 Crafts or imaginary play time. If older kids have independent work, they can do it now. 

5:00 Kids play independently while mom makes dinner. 

6:00 Dinner time. 

7:00 Begin bedtime routine

8:00 Last child goes to bed. Mom cleans up from the day.

8:30-9:30 Mom works. 

9:30 Mom gets ready for bed, reads, gets ready to do it all over again tomorrow. 


This is pretty much what our schedule looks like right now, but on rainy or cold days, we'll adapt. Also, the time frames are just rough estimates. I hope this will help you structure your days so that you can focus on what's most important! 


If You Want Your Kids To Listen, Stop Repeating Yourself

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“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

“I might as well be talking to a brick wall!”

“In one ear and out the other.”

Clearly, kids who don’t listen is a thing. We have tons of cultural idioms about not listening, and they’re often used to describe children. Some of this probably comes from a combination of immaturity and the fact that they are still developing habits like attention. But in my own family, I notice it’s something I do that actually teaches my children not to listen.

I repeat myself.

For awhile, I found myself saying the same things over and over again, all day long. Clean your room, clean your room, clean your room. Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth. Even non-commands, like, “Do you want to play outside? Hello? Do you want to play outside?”

You can listen to this post here

If this repetition drove me crazy, it had to drive my daughter crazy, too.  Repeating myself was a bad habit I had developed, and it led to helping Miss H develop bad habits, too.

Why This Is A Bad Habit

Saying things over and over again teaches our children that they don’t need to listen the first time. Why would our children bother to pay attention to us the first time if they’re going to hear it over and over again? Not listening ultimately leads to not obeying the first time, which is a habit of the utmost importance during the early years.

If we view children as persons, then nagging them is not something we should do. In Home Education, Charlotte Mason said,

She (Mother) never lets the matter be a source of friction between herself and the child, taking the line of his friendly ally to help him against that bad memory of his.” page 123

A friendly ally doesn’t nag, she gently guides. So how do we gently guide our children towards listening to us the first time?

What You Can Do Instead of Repeating Yourself

  • Make eye contact with your child when you’re talking to him or her. Don’t break that contact until it’s clear your child hears and understands you.
  • Ask your child to repeat what you say (an early form of narration!)
  • Don’t respond right away if your child says, “What?” Kids sometimes say this automatically when they really did hear you. Is it possible that they heard you and just don’t understand? If that’s the case, repeating yourself won’t help!
  • Don’t confuse listening with obeying. Children need to listen in order to obey, but they aren’t the same. Be sure to be clear about this with your child. If you want them to listen, help them learn how to listen. If you want them to obey you, teach them obedience.
  • If your child truly did not hear you, they might need help with the habit of attention.

After working on this for about a year, we have made huge progress. I’ve learned to pause after Miss H says, “What?” to give her some time to process what I’ve said. In cases of obedience, I look at her until she begins to follow my directions to be sure that she heard me and is planning to obey. It amazes me that such a simple change can make such a big difference in my children’s ability, and willingness, to listen.

 

 

 

 

I Won’t Make Christmas Magical For My Kids

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Christmas comes with the added pressure to create special, magical memories with our children. We have all sorts of schemes in place to convince children that magic exists. There are apps and elves and letter services to help children believe so they can carry the wonder of a magical Christmas with them for the rest of their lives. But my children will have none of these magical memories; I won’t make Christmas magical for my kids.

Hear me out- I’m no scrooge.

I love celebrating Christmas, both the celebration of Jesus’s birth, and the more secular idea of “Christmas spirit.” But there is so much pressure on moms today to make a Pinterest-perfect holiday. These magical memories should be the highlight of childhood, we’re told. Not only should we buy all the gifts, clean the whole house, and make the meal before getting everyone ready for Christmas Eve service, but we should get home to bake cookies for Santa, and to fake the appearance of reindeer hooves on the roof. Just the thought of it all makes me tired.

I won’t make Christmas magical because I’m too tired. 

To me, this picture of Miss H’s second Christmas is magical.

This post contains affiliate links. 

Going through all that effort to pull the wool over my kids’ eyes seems so sneaky. When I read fairy tales with my children, we talk about what is real and what isn’t. They know that animals don’t fly and that people don’t get into houses through chimneys. I value the relationship I’m building with my little ones, and creating magical Christmas memories ends in me being caught in a lie. One day, they’d realize that Dad ate Santa’s cookies and the phone calls to the North Pole were part of an elaborate, universal trick. I would be complicit.

My children are amazed by the wonders around them every single day. They see plenty of magic in the world. We’ve spent hours looking through a magnifying glass at the sharp, crystal edges of a snowflake. They once spent the good part of a morning picking cattails and hitting them against rocks to reveal the cottony wisps inside. They squeal with delight when they see a rainbow stretched from east to west. These things are magical in the eyes of a child. I don’t want to divert their attention to untrue things and say, “No actually, this is magic.”

But beyond weariness and a desire to be honest, I worry about the ideas of God that my children get from Santa. 

He sees you when you’re sleeping,

he knows when you’re awake,

he knows if you’ve been bad or good,

so be good for goodness sake.”

This is the opposite of grace. This is working hard for rewards and trying to dodge punishments.  And it’s hard for children to separate this “be good for goodness sake” idea, from obeying God out of our love for him.

Charlotte Mason very wisely said that we should be careful about the ideas of God that we present to our children-

Parents who recognize that their great work is to be done by the instrumentality of the ideas they are able to introduce into the minds of their children, will take anxious thought as to those ideas of God which are most fitting for children, and as to how those ideas may best be conveyed.” Parents and Children), page 51

 

I worry that if they get that idea of someone watching and waiting for them to “mess up,” it will be hard to erase. It took me until my late 20’s to get right ideas of God, and I want to help my children avoid that. If that means not leaving gifts from Santa under the tree on Christmas morning, I’m okay with that.

This Christmas, we will hang stockings and watch Polar Express. I’ll watch my daughter’s eyes light up on Christmas Eve as she holds a candle and sings Silent Night as loud as she can. My son is going to be so excited to rip through the wrapping paper and see what’s inside! I can almost hear the squeals of delight as we take a nighttime ride to look at Christmas lights. Our Christmas will contain plenty of magic. But I won’t make a magical Christmas for my children.

(To learn more about what Charlotte Mason said about ideas, see my mini eBook in the shop!)

I won't make #Christmas #magical for my children, because it already is.

Love and Logic Parenting in the Charlotte Mason Home

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*This post contains affiliate links.

The Charlotte Mason philosophy is full of riches for any parent. But, it is an educational philosophy, not a parenting philosophy. There are some areas that Charlotte Mason does not address, like how to handle all of those toddler temper tantrums! Finding a parenting philosophy that aligns perfectly with Charlotte Mason’s beliefs is probably close to impossible. When I taught in a Charlotte Mason school, I learned about Love and Logic parenting. This is a parenting philosophy that uses natural consequences, no lecturing, and gives children the power to make decisions.

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting From Birth to Six Years is the book to read during your child’s early years. This has helped us tame toddler temper tantrums, and establish boundaries for our children- and for us as parents.  Parenting With Love And Logic focuses on older children, but there is value in reading it even when your children are young.

love and logic parenting

Main Ideas of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood

Choices

Young children don’t feel like they have any control, so they’ll fight for it any way that they can. Letting them choose between two options that you’re okay with is a good way to let them have some control. You might say, “Do you want oatmeal or cereal for breakfast?” “Do you want to play outside or read a book?” The authors say that you should make sure to give options that don’t inconvenience anyone!

In the Charlotte Mason Early Learning Facebook group, someone asked a wonderful question: Doesn’t giving children choices between two different things exhaust them?

That the effort of decision is the most exhausting effort of life, has been well said from the pulpit; and if that remain true about ourselves, even when the decision is about trifling matters of going or coming, buying or not buying, it surely is not just to leave the children all the labour of an effort of will whenever they have to choose between the right and the wrong.” Home Education, page 100

But- I believe that Charlotte Mason was talking more about right an wrong here. A child shouldn’t constantly be faced with the decision between something that’s right and wrong, as this could lead to sin. Charlotte Mason also said: 

Consequences

If you do need your child to do something, but they don’t obey, they should experience consequences. The authors recommend sending a crying child to their room and staying behind the door until they calm down. Another example was temporarily taking away toys when a child doesn’t clean up after themselves. This lines up well with Charlotte Mason’s philosophy, who said children should experience natural or relative consequences (both positive and negative!)

Enforceable Statements

While you can’t control other people’s behavior, you can control your own behavior. Enforceable statements replace direct commands like, “Stop crying!” with “When you’re quiet, feel free to come out of your room.” Some of these statements can sound like threats, so I’ve had to experiment with what works for us:

  • When my toddler hits me, I walk away and say, “Mommy doesn’t want to be hit by you.”
  • Or, when I’ve asked Miss H to clean her room and she doesn’t, I say, “I can clean it for you, if you want.” She knows that means I will gather everything into a basket and put it in my closet for a day or two.

Meeting Basic Needs

Meeting basic needs in the early years is mandatory for building a strong relationship with your child. As your child gets older, it’s important to strengthen the relationship through play, and paying attention to your child’s interests. Charlotte Mason wrote a lot about properly caring for children in Home Education, and stressed the importance of a positive relationship between parent and child.

 

Where it Doesn’t Align

There are a couple of things that don’t line up well. The Charlotte Mason philosophy works on improving habits, and if a negative behavior continues willfully, consequences are allowed (if natural) or applied (if relative). Love and Logic jumps right into consequences. I think that’s good sometimes (for example, scooping up a child who’s having a temper tantrum and putting them in their room), but in some cases, a child needs instruction and practice.

Some of the consequences mentioned in the book seem like shaming. There was an example of parents making the children pay for a babysitter (because they were causing lots of trouble and couldn’t go to an event) with their toys. The parents kept saying, “No, that’s not enough,” and had fun as their daughters brought them more and more toys. This seems somewhat disrespectful to a child’s personhood. 

What Works for Us

We’ve been using choices for awhile now, and it makes a huge difference in our day. I give options like, “Do you want me to put your brother in the car first, or you in the car first?” I also use enforceable statements in some cases. When I have trouble getting Miss H to eat her meal, I say things like, “Dinner is over in 10 minutes.” That feels less like bribery and more natural to me. The use of consequences (if I feel like we’ve worked on a habit or it is otherwise needed) is helpful too. I’ve noticed that it helps me feel less angry if I can just give a consequence rather than trying to lecture or punish when emotions are high.

Recently, we’ve started using this with E, who has some very strong temper tantrums! We put him in his crib when the tantrum starts, and tell him that he can come out when he’s quiet. It was amazing how quickly he picked up on this, and the 30 minute tantrums stopped almost immediately.

Do you have a parenting philosophy that you love? Tell me about it in the comments!

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