You’re probably hoping that I move on past Charlotte Mason’s third principle, because I’ve already written TWO posts about it. But no, I’m not done yet 🙂 There was one idea from Charlotte Mason that kept turning over in my mind. It made me realize that our household rules need a makeover. Or in this case, a make-under. I’m learning that what we need are principles, not rules.

Happy is the household with few rules.” Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children

That idea is so convicting, not because I have a long list of rules hanging up in our house somewhere, but because I don’t even know what our rules are. I spent time thinking about them, and our household rules are really just a set of directions that are subject to change at any time. I tried to base them off of truth and not let them be arbitrary, but sometimes, in the heat of frustration, I just belt out some new rule. Something that wasn’t a rule yesterday could be added to the list today. This does not sound like the proactive parenting Charlotte Mason described!

What we really need are principles, not rules

A principle is an inspiring guideline that encourages someone to become intrinsically, (internally), motivated to do what’s right. A rule is an external boundary, that is established to make someone comply.

Principles, not Rules.––’God does not allow’ us to do thus and thus should be a rarely expressed but often present thought to parents who study the nature of the divine authority where it is most fully revealed, that is, in the Gospels. They see there that authority works by principles and not by rules, and as they themselves are the deputy authorities set over every household, it becomes them to consider the divine method of government. They should discern the signs of the times too; the tendency is to think that a man can only act according to his ‘lights,’ and, therefore, that it is right for him to do that which is right in his own eyes; in other words, that every man is his own final authority in questions of right and wrong. It is extremely important that parents should keep in view, and counteract if need be, this tendency of the day. School Education, page 127

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking very hard about the principles that should guide our home. I wanted to set up principles that are based in Biblical truth, and apply to multiple areas. After much consideration, these are the “rules” that will be the cornerstone of our home. Instead of barking orders, I wanted the principles to be in question form. That way, instead of saying, “Don’t do that!” I can say, “Is that kind?” As Charlotte Mason suggested, I want to have divine authority on my mind without necessarily saying, “God does not allow” all the time.

A note about habit training

Habit training takes away much of the need for a million little rules. If we can help our children form positive habits, then the boundaries become inherent instead of something that we have to nag our children about daily.

Our Family Principles

Is It God-Honoring?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

This principle encompasses obedience towards God and reverence to him. It’s true that if my entire household was God-honoring all the time, there would be no need for other rules. But for our household, I intend it to mean:

Are you following the 10 commandments and God’s plan for our lives?
Are you showing reverence to God?
Is this action soli deo gloria?

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

No taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Don’t interrupt when someone else is praying.

Children obey your parents.

Taking a day of rest.

Put in your best effort.

Tell the truth.

Is it Kind?

Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31

Multiple times a day, I say something like “Don’t pick up your brother!” or “That’s not nice!” Nothing about those desperate pleas for compliance subtly point towards truth or God’s authority. This principle affects how we treat our friends, family members, and neighbors.

Are you thinking about others?
Would you like to have someone do this to you?

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

Don’t hurt people with your body or words.

Share your toys.

Help others when they need it.

Is it Respectful?

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace…” 1 Peter 4:10

Is that respectful to someone’s property?
Are you respecting your own and someone else’s need for safety?
Are your words respectful?

Rules it encompasses or replaces:

No climbing on the furniture/writing on the walls/throwing things.

Practice first time obedience.

Use table manners that are courteous to others.

Clean up after yourself.

Don’t put others in danger.

Final Thoughts

I am going to write these in a planner this year so I can see them, and possibly make a pretty version to put on the fridge. I am so thankful for this reminder, so I can set up principles, not rules during the early years.

My commitment to only introduce our children to beautiful, wooden toys without battery compartments lasted approximately two months. One day, I left my two-month-old first born with her daddy and headed out to spend a Toys R Us gift card that I had received from one of my students. I spent an hour walking up and down the rows full of brightly colored, plastic, battery-operated toys. I was mesmerized. I complete forgot my stance on ugly, talking toys, and gravitated towards a play gym with a musical piano and brightly colored mat. When I got home, my husband raised an eyebrow and said, “I knew that wouldn’t last!”

That was before I learned about Charlotte Mason.

Things have changed a little in our home, although you will still see a few battery operated toys here and there. Even though Charlotte Mason only tangentially mentioned toys in her volumes, there are a few Parent’s Review articles that share some guidance in this area.

(This post was updated October 2018)

Toys in the Charlotte Mason Home

Some education philosophies come with their own toys: Montessori toys, Waldorf toys…there are no Charlotte Mason toys. But in the Parents’ Review article, “Our Children’s Play: Their Toys and Books,” Mrs C Hatchell describes some principles for choosing toys.

Finite and Suggestive, Active and Passive Toys

I read some time ago that children’s toys may be divided into two classes: the finite, and the suggestive.”

In Mrs. Hatchell’s article, she describes finite and suggestive toys. Today, these are most often referred to as active and passive toys. Finite, or active toys, do the work for your child. They entertain rather than meaningfully engage. Finite toys do not allow much room for playing and creativity. They have one distinct purpose.

Now, to give an example of the first, e.g., the finite or non-suggestive toys…Nothing is left for the child to do, or for its imagination or ingenuity to supply.”

Some examples of these sorts of toys are:

iPads
Light up activity tables
Remote controlled cars

Suggestive, or passive, toys inspire creative play and fully engage a child, making them great gifts for a birthday or Christmas present. Mrs. Hatchell described a crane toy that her child was fully engaged with lifting and lowering the basket:

How much better and how much more interest was got out of this, than if it had been a more elaborate toy with the drag already supplied, and nothing left to the child’s own ingenuity or imagination.”

A child education specialist one very much like, Magda Gerber, said, “In other words, our active infant manipulates passive objects. In contrast, entertaining kinds of toys, such as mobiles or later on, wind-up toys, cause a passive infant to watch an active toy.”

Thus comes the phrase, “Passive toys make active learners.”

I think Magda Gerber’s quote above is interesting for two reason:

Froebel, the Father of Kindergarten, whom Charlotte Mason respected, was a proponent of mobiles for infants. However, he was also a proponent of creative, free play, and even created a set of open-ended toys called Froebel’s Gifts, with which children used to create and demonstrate their strengths.
Mrs. Hatchell mentioned windup toys in a similar way as Magda Gerber. She said, “There are too many of these purely mechanical toys now, as for instance, animals that you wind and they go round and round in one direction, till the spring breaks.”

So, instead of dumbed-down toys that just entertain our children, a Charlotte Mason family should consider how a toy will engage our children. Mrs. Hatchell said:

Let us remember, that in our children’s “play” as well as in their “books,” are many opportunities afforded to us of training habits which will form an important part in their live hereafter…”

Recommended “Charlotte Mason Toys”

Like I mentioned before, there aren’t really Charlotte Mason toys, but Mrs. Hatchell did recommend some specific things for children to play with.

Mechanical crane (which I think we can apply to other vehicles that require children to engage, like dump trucks)
An empty, homemade doll house
Sand tray (this is also how Charlotte Mason recommended that young children practice their letters)
Modeling clay (Play doh??)
Dolls

Our Favorite Toys

In our home, filled with two boys and a girl, I know that we have more toys than homes of the early 20th century, but we most likely have fewer toys than average modern households. We try to choose passive toys that are open-ended, allowing our children multiple ways to play. Here are some of our favorites (I’ve used affiliate links here):

LA Newborn doll and bath tub– Miss H requested this newborn baby doll shortly after her baby brother was born. Her name is Martha, and she is a favorite toy in our family. Both of our older children enjoy giving Martha baths, feeding her, and changing her. I can see how these actions build habits of kindness, gentleness, and attentiveness.
Tonka dump truck– We got our son, who was two at the time, the biggest dump truck we could find for Christmas last year. Like the crane that Mrs. Hatchell described, this dump truck has moving parts that allow for creative play. This is mostly an outdoor toy, and most often gets filled with grass and sand to transport it to another part of the yard (you can read about how transporting is a universal part of play here.)
Blocks- Blocks have been mentioned in some Parent’s Review articles, and we have quite the assortment of them at our house! Creativity is a must when building. We like wooden blocks, Duplos, and magnetic blocks

Questions to Consider When Choosing Toys

Is this too perfect for a child?

The toys that we give our children should be of good quality, but not so extremely perfect that play is limited. In a Parent’s Review article about Froebel’s kindergarten, the author says:

we should be careful to give them good toys–toys which will call forth their inventive powers, and a not too lavish supply of these. And more, we must teach our children games in which scope is given for the display of original thought, for inventive self-activity. This is what kindergarten games do, and this is why they are so deservedly popular with little children.”

In a somewhat contrasting thought, Mrs. Hatchell said:

the continually increasing wealth and perfection of toys also serve to produce dullness in children, or else destructiveness as the only form of activity left to them in relation to these too-perfect toys.

It’s up to you to decide how perfect is too perfect. Are you going to get upset if something happens to the toy?

Is this toy twaddle?

Twaddle is the word Charlotte Mason used to describe books that are silly and meaningless. The word usually describes speech or writing, but I think we can stretch it to mean anything trivial or foolish. Is the toy dumbed-down?

What habits will this help my child develop?

This is a question I haven’t yet asked myself about the toys we own, but after reading Mrs. Hatchell’s words, I think it’s an important one. In addition to habits, I think some toys afford great opportunities in developing skills, like fine or gross motor skills.

Principles, Not Rules, for a Happy Home