My Little Robins

Loving and Learning in the Nest

Making Family Habits Meetings A Habit

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If you want to make habit training a habit, then family meetings are really helpful. But, these family meetings should focus on habits, and not just the typical “state of the family” meetings that many people hold. According to  The Center for Parenting Education, a non-profit organization, holding regular family meetings supports family bonding, helps children develop higher self-esteem, and helps children understand how to solve problems, among many other benefits. A family habits meeting carries these benefits as well as allows parents and children to develop plans for forming positive habits, or breaking those pesky bad habits.

The idea to hold meetings like this came from James Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business (affiliate link.)  He recommended these weekly meetings to get the whole family involved in establishing new habits for each family member. I’ve spent some time brainstorming what this should look like in a Charlotte Mason home. Often, when people talk about habits, they mean the concrete things that we do each day. How can we apply these same principles to habits that are often more abstract, like paying attention and obeying?

Related: Keeping a Habit Training Journal

 

Family Habits Meetings

While establishing your family habits meetings, think about a night when you already do something fun. Maybe you have a weekend game or movie night. Add your meeting right before that event. When we put an event that might come with a little bit of resistance with something that everyone looks forward to, it makes it easier to do. And, if you are already in the habit of doing a special family night, adding a meeting close to the same time will help make it a more natural habit.

Weekly family habits meetings can help you make habit training a habit. #charlottemason

 

Planning

Come to your meeting prepared. Think about the habits that you’ve worked on the week before, and if the approach needs some altering, or if you’re ready to tackle a new habit. Per the nature of a family meeting, children should have some say in this, but in my experience, when they try to think of habits that they want to work on, the habits aren’t all that beneficial to the family. As sweet as it would be for Miss H to get in the habit of song-writing, this is something we can tackle in our free time and not when we’re looking for ways to improve our family’s daily grind! I suggest having in mind the habit you would like your children to work on, and then involving them in the process of making a plan for each habit. Ask them what you can do to make the habit come easily to them. (Because if it’s difficult, it will probably fall to the wayside in a matter of days!)

Often when we approach habits, we say, “I’m going to do this every day!” but we don’t give much thought to how we will do that. Or, we pick huge habits, like going to the gym everyday, and then get frustrated when we miss Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Break the habits up into small, manageable bits. If your goal is to have your children obey you, start small. Maybe they could get into the habit of saying, ‘Yes, mom,” after you ask them to do something. Or maybe your habit could be that they obey you promptly when you ask them to make their bed each morning (although, eventually you will want them to get into that habit all on their own!”

Make a Habit Statement

Recently, I’ve been helping my kids work on clearing the table completely after meals, and as we get up from the table, I start cleaning the kitchen immediately rather than being pulled into someone’s game (which is so precious, it just makes for a messy kitchen!) Some days, we did well with this habit, and other days I completely forgot. After paying attention, I realized that my cue for cleaning the kitchen is to get up from the table. On days that I was in a hurry and didn’t sit down for a meal, but ate quickly over the island while my kids sat at the table, the kitchen remained a mess and the bowls, cups, and napkins stayed on the table. So, in order to work on the habit of cleaning the kitchen and table after each meal, I needed to work on the habit of sitting down at each meal.

To do this, I needed to make a habit statement, not just a wishy-washy proclamation of, “Oh, I really need to sit down for meals!” Here are my two habit statements:

When I put the kids meals on the table, I will sit down to eat with them.

When I stand up from finishing my meal, I will go clean the kitchen in entirety.

Planning out habits like this helps us address the cue, the action before the habit that reminds us of what we’re going to do next. During your family habits meetings, discuss the cues that will help with each habit, and any environmental changes that might need to happen to help with the habit.

Family Habit Meeting Planner

While it’s definitely easier to develop concrete habits, by planning and approaching little parts of each habit at a time, it’s possible. Bring your whole family into the process to build deeper bonds and to get everyone excited about the habit training journey. I’ve created a family habits meeting planner that I wanted to share with you. It gives you space to write your habit training statement and process. Post it somewhere visible so you remember what to work on that week!

 

Making Tracks in the Snow, or, Habit Training

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If you’ve been hanging around with My Little Robins for awhile, you may have heard me make this analogy before. And, if you were a fourth grader in my class several years ago, you heard this analogy, too, that I made up to help you understand synaptic pruning and other concepts of habit training. I think this analogy is helpful, and I wanted to flesh out the similarities between habit training and walking in the snow. 

Today is a snow day for local schools, and we are celebrating it in our own way, with blanket forts and tea parties. Yesterday the air became frigid, dropping well below zero overnight, and layers of light, dry snow covered the ground. Our Wednesday plans were cancelled, and instead of staying inside, we braved the cold weather to play in the snow.

I loaded all of the children into my car, complete with a sled, all of their snow gear, and a bundler for the baby. The park with a slightly sloping “sledding hill” is within walking distance, but little legs get extra tired walking in the snow. When we pulled into the parking lot, I searched for signs of others. There were no tire marks in the parking lot, no little footprints near the hill. A part of me was disappointed that we were the only ones enjoying this crystal blanket. What were all of the other children doing? Do other people think it’s too cold to be outside right now? I was sad that we were literally the only ones enjoying this beautiful, although cold, day.

But there’s one thing that I always love about being the first one out in fresh snow.

The untouched beauty of the white snow blanket.

Knowing that no one else has set foot here today. 

I love it when we are the first feet to press down the powder.

Making our mark. 

I watched as my toddler got out, a little unsure of his mother’s sanity for bringing him outside on such a day. He stayed by the car for a moment, then picked up his yellow boot high, holding it timidly above the fresh snow. He placed it down, hard, repeating the dramatic process several times. With over six inches of snow, each new step was hard-fought. The snow covered the top of his boots and I could see him thinking and planning each subsequent step carefully. He walked forward a bit, and then, gaining more confidence, walked in a circle, making a whimsical little loop of tiny boot prints.

He saw me smiling at him, and then he turned around retracing his steps, this time more quickly, more confidently. He had already pressed the tracks into the ground, and this time it was much easier. Had he turned back to retrace his steps again, he would have sailed by at his fast toddler pace.

Charlotte Mason Habit Training

And in my son’s exploration of the snow lies a secret of habit training. At first, we start off awkward and flailing. It is difficult to form a new habit, and it feels unnatural. We are, after all, fighting our nature. But, as we repeat the new habit again and again, it gets a little bit easier each time. We are no longer flailing, we begin sailing.

“For a habit is a delight in itself; poor human nature is conscious of the ease that it is to repeat the doing of anything without effort; and, therefore, the formation of a habit, the gradually lessening sense of effort in a given act, is pleasurable.” Home Education page 121 (affiliate link).

The process that our brain undergoes during habit training is called synaptic pruning. We strengthen the synaptic connections between neurons when we practice a new habit, and we weaken the connections between our former way of doing things. Like the snowy path, repeating the steps only makes the pathways stronger and clearer. Those trudging, stumbling motions become fluent, our new nature.

When you start to build a new habit, either for yourself or for your children, remember that it only gets easier. Remember that the unnatural, fighting piece of it is only temporary, until your brain, and your body, can catch on.

 

 

Charlotte Mason called habit training "laying down the rails," but I think another good analogy is making tracks in fresh snow.

Froebel’s Alphabet Sticks: ABC’s Outdoors

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Ever since writing my post about Charlotte Mason and kindergarten, I’ve been trying to get more familiar with Froebel’s ideas. Friedrich Froebel lived in the late 18th century and early 19th century, and his principles on early education deemed him the affectionate title “the father of the Kindergarten.” Unfortunately, Froebel did not have an outstanding way with words, as pointed out in an introduction to his collection of letters explaining his Kindergarten principles, Froebel’s Letters. His works are a little cumbersome to read. There are a lot of ideas that Charlotte Mason accepted as valuable for young children, and some of them that she dismissed with sharp allusions in her her volumes. In another pamphlet Froebel wrote, called “How Lina Learned to Write and Read,” my shoulders, which were slightly slumping after poring through his bulky letters, perked up a bit. He recommended building the alphabet with sticks outside, which to me, sounded like a fun, Charlotte Mason style way to learn the ABC’s outdoors.

Froebel’s Alphabet Sticks

In “How Lina Learned to Write and Write,” Froebel described a reading instruction method that is pretty different than what Charlotte Mason described. Lina, at the age of six, showed an interest in reading a letter that her father had received. So, her mother took her outside and taught her how to make letters with sticks. Mother taught her each sound in her name at first, and then she made the letter with thin, small sticks. The rest of the process is somewhat similar: she learned an interesting word, like “father” or “mother”, by learning each sound and its symbol, and then writing it with sticks.

While Charlotte Mason thought that reading and writing were a bit more separate than this, I think the process of writing letters with sticks is engaging, low-maintenance (which I always look for!) and can be done nearly anywhere.

Suggestions

Froebel recommended using thin sticks for this process. We have a pretty silver maple tree, and the smaller branches are perfect for this. We’ve also collected willow boughs before, and their flexible branches would work well for alphabet sticks, too.

Letters with straight lines (like H and T) are the obvious choices when building letters with sticks, but Froebel recommended using a thumbnail to pierce a thin stick to make it bend easily to build letters with curved lines, like R and P. You could even get creative and add in little pebbles or the flexible stems of ubiquitous dandelions. Instead of introducing an entire word and its letters all at once as Froebel recommended, choose a letter that represents the beginning of a familiar word, and introduce it. Teaching an entire word’s worth of letters is a little more ambitious than Charlotte Mason’s approach!

Miss H and I built some letters on the ground, as Froebel mentioned, but we also tied some of the letters together with twine. She had fun playing with the letters for a few days!

When to Start

You can introduce this activity when your child shows interest in letters, although it is probably best with children at least three years and older. Your littlest children can join in too, like mine did! He loved rearranging the sticks for me 🙂

 

Why I Love This

I’m always on the search for ideas that fit with Charlotte Mason’s methods. This stood out to me for a few reasons. 1) H and I have done something very similar to this before. She had a ton of fun with it, and it was a natural, by the way learning experience. 2) It’s outside! Anything that we can do outside always has the added benefit of appealing to all the senses.

Other Ideas for Learning the ABC’s Outdoors

  • Shadow letters: Why not get creative, and make letters with stick shadows? See if your little ones can experiment with holding up multiple sticks to make shadow letters.
  • Mud drawing: When it’s muddy outside, use sticks to write letters in the mud.
  • Stick hunt: Sometimes sticks just naturally look like letters. What kind of stick shapes can you find? (We’ve found Y, L, etc.)
  • Twine sticks: Wrap your alphabet sticks in twine so they keep their shape. Connect the two sticks by wrapping the twine around them several times, and then tying a knot.

Froebel's Alphabet Sticks: Outdoor ABC's ideas for preschoolers.

 

Toddler Schedule for a Charlotte Mason Home

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My middle guy, my E, is three now. He is all energy and angst, moving from cheerful and smiling to angry and destructive faster than a political meme earns angry reactions on Facebook. I’ve realized that beyond a good night’s sleep, keeping a regular schedule is so good for my toddler. We can curb meltdowns when he knows what is coming next. I think that some Charlotte Mason families struggle with this, since our days are not anchored by formal lessons. But, just because we aren’t formally educating our children yet doesn’t mean that we should throw schedules to the wind. Establishing a toddler schedule is developmentally appropriate, and Charlotte Mason mentioned it in Home Education: 

The fact is, the child has already formed a habit of wakefulness or of feeding at improper times, and he is as uneasy at his habits being broken in upon as the cat is at a change of habitation; when he submits happily to the new regulation, it is because the new habit is formed, and is, in its turn, the source of satisfaction. According to Dr. Carpenter, “Regularity should begin even with infant life, as to times of feeding, repose, etc. The bodily habit thus formed greatly helps to shape the mental habit at a later period. On the other hand, nothing tends more to generate a habit of self-indulgence than to feed a child, or to allow it to remain out of bed, at unseasonable times, merely because it cries…'” pages 131-132

 I wanted to share the schedule the works for my toddler, and worked for his sister when she was a toddler, but I imagine that what works for you will be different. 

Toddler  Schedule for a Charlotte Mason Home

(I’ve used affiliate links to share great products with you in this section. You can read more about the in my policies.)

7:00 On our best mornings, I’m up at this time, waiting in the kitchen with breakfast made. I’ve had a shower, a few minutes of Bible study, and an attitude that is ready to conquer all (or at least any temper tantrums that come my way!) At 7:00, our OK to Wake Clock turns green, and an enthusiastic five-year-old storms down the stairs. If her gusto to start the day hasn’t woken up her two brothers, I let them sleep. We have rough time frames in our schedule, anchored by a few big things. It’s best if our morning starts off slowly and peacefully.

7:15-8:00 There’s plenty of time to eat breakfast in our schedule. This works well for us because sometimes we wait until after Daddy has left for work to start eating. And sometimes E will sleep in until 7:30, so this works well for us either way. At breakfast, we read a devotional and a story from a Bible Story Book

8:00 Earlier this year, I rearranged our schedule to fit in a cleaning/getting dressed time. This might sound silly to you, but this was probably the best thing I could have done for E! He no longer fights cleaning up after himself in the morning, or getting dressed. In the past, we just hung out in jammies until we felt like going outside. Heck, sometimes we went outside IN PAJAMAS. This is an awesome perk of homeschooling, but as it turns out, it made those times when we actually needed to get dressed and get out of the house SUPER stressful.

8:30 Now that everyone’s dressed, we have some time to play together. I try to give E direct attention at this time, because I notice that it affects him for the rest of the day. I’m certain that many of his temper tantrums are from feeling a little left out. We play with trucks in our basement play room. Sometimes I’m able to fit in a lesson with Miss H at this time, if she requests it.

9:00 When we’re home, this is Little Brother A’s nap time. Once or twice a week, we leave the house at this time instead of waiting around for A to sleep. If we’re out an about we’re usually:

  • Playing at Tinkergarten
  • At the park
  • Having a play date with friends

Related: The Complete Charlotte Mason Preschool Guide

If we’re at home during this time, we’re probably: 

  • Playing in the backyard
  • In our basement playroom, reading books and playing with trucks, Lego Duplos, or dolls.

10:00 Snack time! No matter where we are, we usually have a snack at 10:00. This helps to anchor our days. Then, it’s back to playing!

10:30 If A takes a good nap, this is when we leave the house. We usually:

  • Go for a nature walk
  • Visit the library
  • Head to a park
  • Run an errand

12:00 is my panic time. If we aren’t home, or close to home, at noon, I start to feel a little anxious. We eat lunch around 12:15, and have about 45 minutes to chat and relax.

1:00 A goes down for another nap at around 1:00. I so wish I could tell you that E goes down for his nap then, too, but he kicked those naps right around 2.5. Instead, I use this as quiet time for my older kids. They play quietly in the basement together, read books, and sometimes watch a TV show.

2:00 After about an hour to myself, I go play with my kids. Miss H usually thinks up a craft at this time, so E ends up playing independently. But, being in the same room as him seems to make a big difference.

3:00 A wakes up from his nap, and my big kids are ready to do something. I try to encourage E to pick an activity at this time because his big sister often calls the shots. In the afternoon, we often:

  • Play in the backyard
  • Make something in the kitchen
  • Do a little craft
  • Play in the basement

4:30 After moving from room to room today, we’ve made lots of good messes. I ask the kids to clean up. E sometimes fights this. He’s usually very good at cleaning up his toys, but it’s the other things he pulls out during the day that make the house feel messy: the socks he threw off haphazardly, the three different pairs of shoes he wore. This is the habit we’re currently working on.  Telling my kids to go clean something without actually following them to be sure that they are indeed cleaning is the only way to get them to play together happily. Ha! So, some days we all clean together, and on some days, my kids go play like they’re best friends in order to avoid me.

5:00 It’s time to start dinner. Sometimes they are still “cleaning” and this makes it easy. On more restless days, I let them watch a TV show. On nice summer evenings, they play outside while I cook. It varies.

6:00 Nate gets home from work around 6:00, and we eat dinner right away. Ideally, we finish dinner by 6:30 or 6:45 so there’s still a little time to play before bed. We don’t give baths every night, so that frees up some of our time in the evening.

7:00 We started to put E to bed a little earlier once he gave up his nap.  He often melts down by 7:30, and then he gets upset when he sees me put Little Brother A down to bed. So we’ve learned that putting him to bed before his nap-loving little brother is best for everyone. We try to put him down to bed at 7:15, which gives him almost 12 hours of sleep.

My Priorities

Right now, my priorities for my toddler guy are that he gets plenty of sleep, and that he gets plenty of time outside each day. These two factors seem to affect the number of meltdowns we have. Unlike his big sister, he does not ask me to read him books multiple times a day. I’m sure this would make some people nervous, but he is in a language-rich environment. He hears stories when I’m reading to his siblings, and he also reads books that he chooses before bed.

Your schedule will undoubtedly be different, but the important thing to remember is that children thrive on routines. These routines, that give our children comforting structure, are also what will aid us in habit training. By doing similar things everyday, we are establishing those triggers, the things that set off good habits.

I don’t try to fit in ALL THE THINGS in our day, and I don’t stress if we don’t tally up four hours of time spent outdoors. My biggest concern right now is that my children have consistency in our home, and that they know they are loved.

This early years planner was created just for you, so that you can add consistency to your days. Plan out daily routines, habits, and choose from a list of Charlotte Mason recommended activities to plan your days. You can find the planner here. 

 

 

Keeping a Habit Training Journal

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I closed my journal, an exasperated sigh escaping my lips. I had read an entry from September 2016- more than a  year and a half ago.  Scratched in a sparkly pen were the words, “Grow in gentleness. Be more patient. Live more intentionally with my children.” I could have written those words yesterday. But instead, a year and a half had passed, and despite prayer and seeking the Lord in these areas, I felt very little change. Sometimes I’m still as gentle as a desert cactus and about as patient as a two-year-old. This time had flown by without intentional change.

I wonder what would have happened if I had kept writing in that journal, kept marking my progress on a regular basis. Would I have remembered to work on these things more intentionally, instead of just sending little lightning bolt prayers to God when I hovered on the brink of impatient desperation? Or maybe I would have been less discouraged by being able to see that change had been made, however slow and minor it was.

While we are working on our own habits, keeping track of our progress, our ups and downs, can be so helpful. This is no different when we are helping our children with their habits. In these early years of our children’s lives, habit training is one of the most important things we can do for our little ones. We can guide them towards developing strong habits so that they have the tools they need to thrive in school and life.

But habit training is easier said than done. Reading about it is one thing. Actually setting up positive habits and following through with new routines is a never-ending job that requires tact, watchfulness, and persistence.

To help us remain accountable, Charlotte Mason suggested that mothers keep a journal tracking your child’s physical, mental, and moral growth.

Every mother, especially, should keep a diary in which to note the successive phases of her child’s physical, mental, and moral growth, with particular attention to the moral; so that parents may be enabled to make a timely forecast of their children’s character, to foster in them every germ of good, and by prompt precautions to suppress, or at least restrain, what is bad.” Parents and Children, page 105

*I used affiliate links in this post, meaning I will earn a small commission at no cost to you should you choose to buy something.

To be intentional with #habits, keep a habit training #journal. #charlottemason

Keeping a Habit Training Journal

Here are some suggestions for starting a journal of your own.

Blank Notebook

In a pretty notebook, designate one page to each habit you want to work on with your child. Every few months or so, write a few lines about how your child is progressing. Setting it up that way will allow you to see your child’s development in specific areas. If you have multiple children, make room for a page per habit for each of your children. (I linked to some journals I like in my Amazon Store– affiliate link.)

Line a Day Journal

I’ve been keeping a One Line a Day Journal for almost 5 years now, which means I’ll need to get a new one next January! For each date, there is space for five years of notes. When I flip through my book, I can see exactly what my children said, did, or learned on a specific date. I love looking back through it and seeing how my children have changed. Also, this is a beautiful way to document the sweet, adorable things that your child says throughout the years 🙂

Habits eBook Journal

This printable journal helps moms get into the habit of habit training. It highlights the habits that are especially important when our little ones are young, and includes Charlotte Mason’s quotes and other practical tips for implementing habit training.

The journal has been recently updated to include even more ways to work on each habit. I’ve added book lists and age-appropriate chore ideas to help you achieve those smooth and easy days that Charlotte Mason told us about! There is no exact formula for habit training, and sometimes we have to try a few different things to see what resonates with our children.

But more than clever approaches, we need consistency. I created journal prompts to help you dig deeply into why bad habits occur, and how to redirect them into positive habits. There are also observation prompts so that you can track your child’s progress for several weeks, and see where your child needs additional progress.

You can download a free preview here and purchase the eBook here for $8.

 

Other resources:

Laying Down the Rails for Children– This is a resource from Simply Charlotte Mason that I’ve never seen, but have heard good things about.

Smooth and Easy Days– If the aforementioned resource seems too expensive, this free eBook from Simply Charlotte Mason is another option. It compiles Charlotte Mason’s quotes about habit training.

The Stages of Habit Formation- My Little Robins

The Habit of Prompt Obedience-My Little Robins

The Habit of Truthfulness- My Little Robins

The Habit of Attention- My Little Robins

Habit Training in the Early Years- Simply Charlotte Mason

Habit Training- Charlotte Mason Help

 

A #charlottemason habit training resource for the #earlyyears
Click to download a free preview of Habits for the Early Years: A Mother’s Journal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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